Ordinary corrupt human love

March 7th, 2010

A picture of suffering…WL’s photo of me before I collapsed from heat exhaustion :)

“Man has places in his heart which do not yet exist, and into them enters suffering in order that they may have existence.”

– Leon Bloy

REREADING The End Of The Affair, which is one of my favourite Greenes — favourite books — ever. Sometimes I identify so much with Sarah, with that bruised and doubting sort of love, and I’m afraid of the desert too; what I identify with the most is her painful coming to faith. I keep going back to the scene where she’s praying, and realises Maurice is alive, and everything, everything in her life changes.

I find it very hard to believe in heaven; it’s more of the cross that calls to me. Odd how it doesn’t make any sense to live my life without Christianity now. It’s Truth, with a capital T — and the cross stands for integration that helps me with the emotional turbulence and rawness that comes with my sort of nature.

You can’t break off a connection that had a lot going for it without cutting yourself up dreadfully in the process…

I’d never wanted to stay in Singapore — I was in love with other cities and was in love with a man in another place; I’d wanted to go back, go back, go back; I’d planned all along for flight, I was tired of hanging in there despite the boredom and the pain, I was tired of witnessing almost unbearble suffering in some people I love. But I can’t leave now, or more accurately I won’t — I suppose there’s going forward, and I suppose going forward wouldn’t be so grim, though the path isn’t altogether clear.

I’d wanted to study literature; it seems to me that another vocation is calling. It’s — so difficult and so draining — to let go of all these deeply-rooted dreams. If you kill the love, you’ll kill the pain — but I can’t kill the love, or jeer at it as “sentimentality”, or laugh at it as “notions of escape”. Sometimes it feels like my heart’s been broken over, and over, and over again; and so to heal I come back and withdraw and read my Eliot and listen to my Bach and drink my tea and try to pray. I’m tired and I don’t want any more pain. I don’t want any more noble sacrifices; I want ordinary corrupt human love.

What I loved about another ex-boyfriend was his ability to make fun of someone with the driest, most dead-pan wit ever, but with the good sense never to cross the line into deliberate hurtfulness. My instinct when hurt is always to strike out and strike out harder, hurt as I’ve been hurt; Christ’s way of dealing with betrayal and vulnerability seems to me now to be the most sensible way forward.

This blog has been a real oasis; I calm myself down by writing myself through complicated matters, through pain. I suppose I believe in “guilt by omission” — and am tortured by my inability to live up to ideals — which is why I keep myself so busy with work of all kinds & don’t sleep well. But I also shouldn’t indule in guilt, however — guilt harasses and debilitates us, impeding our spiritual journey.

Ubin

March 7th, 2010

Our bikes in Ketam. I’d collapsed and was lying on the track from near heat-stroke; felt like blacking out but managed to drag self to shelter with help of friends.

 

Carrying our bikes across the ditch.

 

HAD
a wonderful time at Ubin today…some folks backed out as they thought we were insane to go cycling in this heat at 2.30pm (ok granted I nearly blacked out from the heat along an unsheltered uphill stretch), but the five of us who did go had so much fun! I ♥ blog friends.

Ditches and grassy tracks and grassy knolls and pine trees and sea breeze…it’s great to get out of the city and hang out with friends, chat as we cycle, devour young coconuts, discuss scopes that make throats light up. Lovely scenery; great company. Folks, visit Ketam Bike Park if you’ve the time.

It’s been so good to get out and moving; I’d been feeling antsy the whole week…so much change in life recently, from giving up notions of going abroad to do my PhD (like knives in the heart), giving up the idea of doing a PhD in literature (more knives in heart), accepting Christ and thinking of my calling (tortured gibbering mind in agony), deciding the way forward (leaving room for flexibility as well)…not to mention men troubles (exes testing the waters; mistaken notions about some men; too tired to go out for dates with others).

Feel very refreshed. It’s all about good self-care. Can I hold out in the face of a major crisis? Granted I’ve seen illness in the family; helping folks through tough times; but I still don’t think I’m a very resilient creature. I tend to take on too much then burn out — good self care includes rest, exercise, reading and listening to music.

I realised to my horror and shame that I’m an abuser as well. OMG. Shot off unreserved apologies to the recipient of my abusive e-mails today and am repenting. I’d thought I was joking, but what I wanted to do was hurt — evil is that which kills spirit, which makes a person afraid to share his real thoughts and feelings.

“There are various essential attributes to life — particularly human life — such as sentience, mobility, awareness, growth, autonomy, will. It is possible to kill or attempt to kill one of these attributes without actually destroying the body. Thus we may “break” a horse or even a child without harming a hair on its head. Erich Fromm was acutely sensitive to this fact when he broadened the definition of necrophilia to include the desire of certain people to control others — to make them controllable, to foster their dependency, to discourage their capacity to think for themselves, to diminish their unpredictability and originality, to keep them in line….Evil, then, for the moment, is that force, residing either inside or outside of human beings, that seeks to kill life or liveliness. And goodness is its opposite. Goodness is that which promotes life and liveliness.”1

Overseas folks, come visit me in SG and we can travel around the region and go cycling in Ubin and hiking near the reservoirs…I miss some of you so darn much.

*

A (on SAP schools): Yes, people are very surprised when I tell them I went to a metal-button school.

B: I think you’re a very good judge of character.
(pause)
B: Maybe it’s because we don’t like the same people.

*

Both were cannibals, Cannetti because of self-importance, her mother because of dependence.2

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1 Peck, M. Scott. People Of The Lie. London: Arrow Books, 1983. p. 47.

 

2 Athill, Diane. Somewhere Towards The End. London: Granta, 2008. p. 8.

“Lost my muchness, have I?”

March 7th, 2010

WATCHED Burton’s Alice In Wonderland, which spoke to me and was enormously cathartic. A very plucky performance by the lead actress — the action climax of a set-battle piece has drawn mixed reviews, but I like the old fashioned portrayal about making a choice, making a stand, and slaying those dragons.

I’m thinking about how in the stories about girlhood, the heroines, despite their shortcomings — usually those of unruliness, a fiery temper, mule-ish obstinacy — we’re supposed to like them, on account of their vivacity and pluck and passionate energy and maybe especially because they do bend rules. We’re meant to like Elizabeth more than Jane Bennet, because the sweet, proper, absolutely good people don’t make good copy.

But it’s a balance, isn’t it? Between the heroines with will — to the point of willfulness perhaps — spirit, charm, resourcefulness, audacity (which may have the dark side of petulance, manipulativeness, callousness) — and the other qualities: silent sympathy, an ability to think of other people, see the big picture, to bear a lot without being a martyr, having the ability to love deeply and silently over a long time, reflectiveness, a gentle spirit, graciousness — 细水长流.

I’ve learnt that that obstinate, willful part of me can lead me to some unhealthy situations. Sometimes confrontation isn’t the answer, and it isn’t wise to be perpetually in fight or flight mode, which is why I’d to return & meditate in solitude & listen to Bach and get some rest. Tears never helped anyone, the smoke-blowing caterpillar in the movie said; but there’s also no point being perpetually tempestuous, in not learning to think before I speak and act.

Anger is useful at times, and up to a point; and in the meantime I’ll lie low and keep away from unhealthy situations and relationships.

Priorities:

1. Career
2. Close relationships
3. Recharging: travel

Have to learn forgiveness, and letting go of grudges; and avoiding draining situations and ignoring aggravants.

Overheard in the Newsroom & 同志

March 5th, 2010

Overheard in the Newsroom #3394: Editor waiting for a phone call: “I don’t know if it’s because I’m spoiled or just too good looking, but I’m used to men calling me back.”

*

A (throwing hissy fit about gourmet butter)
B: H was writing about gourmet butter? H?

A: So we were in Cambodia and there were these aid workers in their SUVs swanning into gourmet grocers and buying gourmet meat and gourmet butter!!
B (dryly): You really don’t like gourmet butter, do you?

*

In today’s Review pages:

Singapore achieves world-class results, thanks to a bold, unconventional synthesis of liberal and conservative approaches. It’s further to the left and further to the right than what President Obama or his foes now seek. The island’s real ideology is pragmatic problem-solving.

“Surprisingly, I liked law. It was full of stories, it was very logical, which appealed to my “science” mind, and it had a lot to do with language. I love reading and literature,” she (Corinna Lim) says. “…I didn’t mind the hard work, but it had to make sense.”

“Listening to those stories made me grateful for everything I had, how privileged I was, and gave me a real joy, being able to use whatever skills to help others.”

…fighting the battle for women’s equality with wisdom and elegance.

“I’m just following my heart. I want to do this; I want to do more, I’ve been frustrated that I saw the solutions but I couldn’t do more. I don’t think it’s heroic; I think I’m just lucky to be able to do this.”

*

A (looking around with dawning comprehension): Are you all in white by accident?
B: Yeah, mine is accident. (points to C) That’s the uniform.
A (points to her white top): This is definitely an accident.

The party’s most potent problem-solving channel unfiltered by bureaucrats was the meet-the-people session conducted by every elected representative. There was nothing like meeting constituents face-to-face listening to their woes and helping them to grapple with their problems that enabled PAP to keep its finger on the pulse of society.1

I NEVER thought this would happen…but I’m discovering that members of the Young PAP aren’t actually the spawn of Satan. I’d always thought they were kind of greasy and self-serving and had no sense of irony…hello?? they call themselves comrades — “Of late, tongzhi has become a common equivalent for the English term gay in mainland China. While it probably originated as a pun on 同性恋 (tóngxìnglían, “homosexual”), it has come to be used with the aim of presenting same-sex relationships as positive and suggesting solidarity between LGBT people” — and I gave Long-Suffering Friend a hard time telling him to go play with his 同志s.

I’d been invited to go help out at a Meet-the-People session after an MP, Irene Ng, and I exchanged some e-mails her about some work she was doing on Rajaratnam. Luckily, I’ve a straight bus to Tampines from Pasir Ris, and it takes a relatively short time to hop on down each week…the people I’ve met are sincere and genuine and empathetic, really doing good. Looking forward to helping out at more of such sessions — you see a cross-section of society coming in, and I’m impressed by the mixture of head and heart that goes into each case.

Of course, my first loyalties lie with my other volunteering commitments — my heart will always be with the teachers and social workers who toil day in and day out. They’ve my utmost, unadulterated respect.

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1 Yap, Sonny, Richard Lim and Leong Weng Kam. Men In White: The Untold Story Of Singapore’s Ruling Political Party. Singapore: Singapore Press Holdings, 2008. p. 179.

Polar bear depression

March 3rd, 2010

The Straits Times:
Peta wants Knut the Polar bear to be castrated to avert incest with his cousin and avoid ‘incest depression’ #news http://is.gd/9z5OI
Cantik Fotos
And being castrated isn’t going to depress him?
54 minutes ago

*

Seth Cottrell
Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except a punch in the face, but we can raise awareness.
13 minutes ago

*

A: too bad my apartment does not have one of these….
10 Luxurious Soaking Tubs | Apartment Therapy Los Angeles
www.apartmenttherapy.com
A popular choice for infusing a little extra luxury in your bathroom is the soaking tub. Deeper than a regular tub, soaking tubs are perfect for sinking into a warm bath and letting the days’ troubles float away.
about an hour ago · Comment · LikeUnlike · Share
B
Eh greasy diplomat, I think the best answer to all your woes is to get a hot (long-eyelashed nationality) wife, who can decorate your empty apartment, can soak in tub with you, etc :)
34 minutes ago ·
A
is greasy going to be the default prefix for diplomat for you when you use it…
32 minutes ago
B
Well if you soak in tub probably won’t be greasy anymore. Bwahaha.
12 minutes ago ·

Community of truth

March 3rd, 2010

WE’VE to avoid a situation in which everyone proclaims their rights, but barely mention their responsibilities; in which politics is seen to be serving the individual at minimum cost in terms of tax and government expenditure, in all of which the concept of the common good or a just society is secondary.

All this amounts to a negation of the concept of virtue and reason.

From Lord Brennan, QC:

It is a frequently misunderstood view of the law that it involves, or should involve, a search for the truth in the course of legal process. This is not the reality. The investigation of fact and opinion in a criminal or civil trial is directed at testing the evidence presented to the court. To the extent that that is objectively analysed and conclusions reached the process involves establishing the truth but only in relation to the evidence presented. This is the product of the adversarial process. In the continental civil law the investigative process is more likely to come nearer to the truth provided the enquiry is sufficiently determined and wide-ranging.

The more profound questions of truth and conscience, arise in relation to what I called ethical jurisprudence in my original definition of the law.

The enforcement of morals:

Lord Devlin, a famous Catholic Law Lord, wrote a monograph on the very subject of the law enforcing morals. The topic presents both tensions and dilemmas. Devlin wrote his work at the time of the debate on whether homosexual acts between consenting adults should continue to be criminal. In modern times we have had much debate on section 28 and the role of local authorities in sex education. Gay partnerships are to be legislated under the Civil Registration Bill presently before parliament. Although the government denies that the Bill will legalise “marriages’ in this context its very purpose is to ensure that there is no legal distinction between the rights of a civilly registered couple of the same sex and a heterosexual married couple. The Doctrinal Notes from the Vatican in 2003 and 2004 deal with the morality of issues such as this and the role of Catholic politicians in dealing with them. How is the political conscience here to be exercised? Is a politician entirely bound by his religious beliefs as a Catholic in relation to abortion laws? Or is the exercise required that of reason exercised in the pursuit of virtue and taking into account religious beliefs but remembering that society may not in the main share such beliefs? These are profound questions. They are presently occupying voters and politicians and churchmen in the United States in the presidential and congressional elections. My own view is that there are certain basic moral issues such as abortion and euthanasia on which the Catholic conscience must accord with religious belief because that belief accords with reason and virtue.
The era of human rights and responsibilities

In the encyclicals Pacem in Terris of John XXIII and in Centesimus Annus from John Paul II it is clear that the church teaching endorses rights and responsibilities of every human being. In modern times, Leo XIII in 1891 with Rerum Novarum said, “Rights by whomsoever possessed must be protected’. And then came one of the great encyclicals of the Catholic Church, Pacem in Terris by John XXIII. Firstly, it was an encyclical that was unique because it was written to all the world not just the Catholic Church. Secondly, it endorsed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. But rights carry responsibilities.I have rights. But what do I owe to you? John XXIII gives powerful examples.

The right to live involves the duty to preserve life. The right to a decent standard of living involves the duty to live in a becoming way. The right to be free and seek the truth involves accepting and upholding the same right for everyone else. Each right has its corresponding duty and unless both are observed neither will have real value. In a brilliant passage he put it this way: “To claim one’s rights and ignore one’s duties or only half fulfil them, is like building a house with one hand and tearing it down with the other.’

These rights and duties, he said, are “universal, inalienable and inviolable’. I add that the consequent duties are of equal importance.

The acceptance of the law:

How does conscience operate in fulfilling, or in certain circumstances rejecting the force of law?

In the personal circumstances of doctors and nurses the so-called “conscience clause’ of the Abortion Act has been generally regarded as a disaster. Those practitioners who relied on their religious objection to participate in abortion were criticised, ostracised, and their right to exercise their conscience not respected. Great cause for concern must be entertained about any similar “conscience clause’ in the Assisted Dying Bill presently before the House of Lords.

Political circumstances and conscientious objection have been frequent in modern times. Greenham Common, the Iraq war, and animal rights are well known examples. Is there a basis for refusing to obey the law of the land in all conscience? If so , how can it be rationalised? What is the moral conclusion to be drawn about deliberate disobedience to a ban on hunting foxes with hounds? In what circumstances may a minority dispute the right of a majority to legislate against activities by the minority which the minority consider to be part of their way of life or indeed religion?

There is no ready answer. These are vexed questions. Each issue should be regarded on its own merits. The merits involve detailed examination and reasoned analysis. I consider that only in extreme circumstances where a law is an affront to democracy or represents totalitarian action by government could a refusal to obey the law be justified.
Conclusion

In the words of Father Timothy Radcliffe “True words build community and lies dissolve it’. The virtues of truth and conscience must be nurtured in modern society. With them standards will be achieved in public life that will benefit the common good. More gave us the right example. We should follow it. Truth and conscience have their place in politics and the law. The first is a fundamental virtue of the human community, and the second exemplifies moral behaviour based on right reason.

*

I love this piece by (surprise, surprise) Timothy Radcliffe:

This is the html version of the file http://www.domlife.org/dlc/Resources/CrisisInTruthRadcliffe.doc.

Note: Father Timothy Radcliffe, the former master general of Order of Preachers, received an honorary doctorate in theology from the University of St. Thomas Aquinas, the Angelicum. This is his presentation.

Crisis of truth in our society

The Angelicum

November 15th, 2004

I wish to look at the crisis of truthfulness in our society and what might be our response as Christians, with an occasional glance at the role of a Dominican University.

A few weeks ago, a report was published on the standards of truthfulness in public life in Britain. It emerged that 67% of those questioned did not expect Members of Parliament to tell the truth. The figure for government ministers was even higher, at 70%. Only journalists and estate agents fared worse. Fortunately people’s assessment of the truthfulness of the clergy was not included in the survey.

Until recently in the West, telling the truth has been seen as simply part of human dignity. Aristotle wrote that ‘falsehood is itself mean and culpable, and truth noble and full of praise.’ Raymond Gaita, an Australian philosopher, wrote a wonderful account of his father, Romulus, my father. His father was a blacksmith who emigrated from Romania to Australia. And he shows that the roots of his love of philosophy lie in this simple man’s utter truthfulness. Gaita says of his father and his friend Hora, ‘They valued [truthfulness] because, to adapt the words of a fine English philosopher, they were men for whom not to falsify had become a spiritual demeanour1.’ This was nothing to do with any utilitarian calculation, that truthfulness pays in the long run, or that if you start telling lies then you get into a mess. It was a simple requirement of honour. Such a cherishing of truth for its own sake has largely been lost.

Onora O’Neill, the Principal of Newnham College, Cambridge has written of a crisis of suspicion. We do not trust that we are being told the truth by politicians, our doctors, business executives, even the clergy and above all by the media. We are drowning in information, but we do not know whom to believe. We suspect that not only do people lie to us, but that they do not even think that it awfully matters, as long as they are not detected. And if they are, they put it down to ‘an error of judgment.’

It is often assumed that the answer must be as much transparency as possible. If only everything were revealed, then we would know if we were being told the truth or not. And so the government increasingly checks up on us and we check up on the government. And so every memo, every email, telephone call and conversation in the corridors of power must be recorded for inspection. In Britain, endless Commissions, questionnaires and surveys are established to discover what is happening, to allay suspicion and establish trust.

This hunger for transparency is evident in the culture of self-disclosure or, even more fun, the exposure of others. We live in the society of ‘kiss and tell’, or what has been called ‘the bare all society.’ Amazon, the on line book sellers, list over a thousand books whose titles include ‘The Naked…’, from ‘The Naked Chef’ to ‘The Naked Parish Priest.’ Who knows, there may be one called ‘The Naked Dominican’ on the way! On Television shows like Oprah Winfrey, people are heroes for a brief moment by telling their most personal secrets. The newspapers, especially in England, think it a public duty to reveal every little peccadillo of the famous. according Zygmunt Bauman, of the Universities of Leeds and Warsaw, ‘public interest’ means “the private problems of public figures.”2’ Yet, this passion for exposure never allays our suspicion that something nasty is being hidden from us, which we have a right to know.

O’Neill argues that total transparency is anyway neither possible nor desirable. She writes that ‘demands for universal transparency are likely to encourage the evasions, hypocrisies and half-truths that we usually refer to as “political correctness”. But which might more forthrightly be called either “self-censorship” or “deception”3 Suspicion can never be allayed. There might always be some missing bit of evidence, if only one searches hard enough, like for the elusive WMD in Iraq. The fact that we cannot find the evidence only proves that our enemies are fiendishly cunning and so untrustworthy.

A culture of complete transparency also might actively discourage one from being truthful. One would never know when one’s words might be used as evidence against one. And how can we ever think about anything if we cannot try out crazy ideas, float hypotheses, and make mistakes? Meister Eckhart, a fourteenth century Dominican, wrote that no one may attain the truth without a hundred errors on the way. We need the freedom for words for which we are not going to be held eternally responsible. Seeking the truth requires times of protected irresponsibility, for tentative exploration.

What then does the Church have to offer, faced with this thirst for truth? I must confess it was such a question that drew me to the Order in the first place. I knew that there was an Order which had the motto Veritas, Truth. But I did not know which it was. I had to ring the Benedictines to find out. When I met the Provincial and asked to enter, I wished to talk about the truth, and he just assumed that I would prefer to talk about football! Still, they let me in and here I am. A story is told of a man floating over the countryside in a hot air balloon. He became lost and finally came down in a tree. He saw two people walking by and so he shouted out to them, ‘Where am I?’ One of them replied, ‘In a tree.’ ‘Oh, you must be a Dominican!’ ‘How did you know?’ ‘Because what you say is true, but entirely unhelpful.’

Faced with this crisis of truth, the Church cannot claim just to be a place of more truth and transparency. It would be wonderful if we followed the advice of Mark Twain, who said ‘When in doubt, tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.4’ But Christians are not usually much better than other people. Jesus came to call sinners and not the just, and in this he continues to be highly successful. Besides, I believe that there is a profound crisis of truthfulness within the Church. Bishops, priests and theologians are often afraid to say what we truly believe. So the Church cannot claim to be a beacon of honesty in a world of lies.

I wish to suggest this evening that the role of the Church and the Order must be to cherish a particular understanding of truthfulness, which carries us beyond the suspicion and mistrust of our society. Western society understands truth almost exclusively in terms of the tradition of the Enlightenment. This is a wonderful and fertile tradition, to which we are deeply indebted. It has given us modern science and much freedom. But if it becomes the predominant paradigm of seeking the truth, then inevitably we shall create a society which is filled with suspicion and mutual accusation, and in which the bonds of communion will be weak. We look back to an older understanding of the truth, which heals and builds communion.

Please forgive me for a very over-simplified presentation of what the Enlightenment meant by truth seeking. A more sophisticated account would take too much time, and I am not a philosopher and not qualified to give it. Alasdair MacIntyre wrote, ‘From the seventeenth century onwards it was a commonplace that whereas the scholastics had allowed themselves to be deceived about the character of the facts of the natural and social world by imposing an Aristotelian interpretation between themselves and experienced reality, we moderns, that is we seventeenth and eighteenth century moderns – had stripped away interpretation and theory and confronted fact and experience just as they are. It was precisely in virtue of this that those moderns proclaimed themselves the Enlightenment, and understood the Medieval past by contrast as the Dark Ages. What Aristotle obscured, they see.5’ So the Enlightenment sought the truth first of all by rejecting tradition, especially the dogmas of Christianity. This attitude is still widespread. For example, the proposed preamble to the European Constitution passes directly from the Greeks and Romans to the Enlightenment, as if most of the history of Christian Europe were an aberration in the advance towards rationality.

The truthful eye is that of the detached scientific observer, who observes coldly, rationally, questioning the inherited assumptions and prejudices of the crowd. But it turned out not to be as simple as that. How could one be sure that one was seeing things as they are? How could one bridge the gap between the mind and the world? How could one be sure that what was out there was in fact anything like my perception of it? In its search for certainty, the mind must doubt everything. One must be sceptical, suspicious and distrustful. It is characterized by an English philosopher, Bernard Williams, in this way: ‘There is an intense commitment to truthfulness, or, at any rate, a pervasive suspiciousness, a readiness against being fooled, an eagerness to see through appearances to the real structures and motives that lie behind them.6’ Voltaire remarked that we have language to conceal our thoughts. I do not wish simply to reject this tradition. We are all the children of the Enlightenment and we are profoundly indebted to it. But if it becomes the primary way that we understanding seeking the truth then we shall inevitably create a society that is mistrustful, suspicious and insecure.

A Christian spirituality of truthfulness must scandalize a child of the Enlightenment, because it grounded in doctrine. For the Enlightenment, truthfulness began with liberation from doctrine. Of course it was not noticed that the Enlightenment soon acquired its own doctrines. As G.K. Chesterton once remarked, ‘‘There are only two kinds of people, those who accept dogmas and know it, and those who accept dogmas and don’t know it.’

Let us begin with the doctrine of creation. In fact you will be relieved to know that we shall also end there! For St Thomas Aquinas, the doctrine of creation does not tell us about what happened a long time ago, before the Big Bang. It is the belief that everything now receives its existence from God. And this is why we are able to understand creation and grasp the truth. The one who made the world made our minds too. It is God’s world and we are at home in it as God’s creatures, made for the truth. It is not an alien and incomprehensible place. The central intuition of Aquinas was that, in the words of Cornelius Ernst OP, my first tutor, the world ‘effortlessly shows itself for what it is, flowers into the light.7’ Of course sometimes we make mistakes and misunderstand. We may tell lies and wear masks. But the truth is prior to error and deceit. As fish were made to swim in water, human beings were made to thrive in the truth. It is our home.

This is utterly different from the vision of Descartes, where the mind is ‘the ghost in the machine’, struggling to get in contact with reality. For the Enlightenment the big challenge was how we can be sure of anything. How can we get from our minds to the world? How can we know that reality is not entirely different from what we think we see? Can we even be sure that it really exists? So we start with doubt and mistrust.

Seeing things as they are is more than just a matter of opening one’s eyes and observing. It requires of us a way of life, which one might call contemplative. We need to be able to open ourselves to what is before us. It is a calm presence to what is other than ourselves, resisting the temptation to take it over, use it or absorb. It means letting the other person be. We must let our minds and hearts be stretched open, enlarged by what we see. Aquinas loved the phrase of Aristotle, that ‘the soul in some way is all things.8’ Understanding what is other than ourselves expands our very being. Contemplation is being nakedly and humbly present to the other. Simone Weil, who came from a very different tradition, wrote that ‘Real genius is nothing else but the supernatural virtue of humility in the domain of thought.9’

This demands of us quietness of mind and time. One source of our crisis of truth, is that our lives are so hectic and frenetic that we do not have the time to see each other or anything properly. Our preoccupation for truth as accountability, means that we spend so much time filling in forms, making reports, compiling statistics, that we have no time to open our eyes and see. When Wittgenstein was asked how philosophers should greet each other, he replied ‘Take your time.’ So a spirituality of truth would invite us to slow down, be quiet, and let our hearts and minds be stretched open. Simone Weil writes that ‘we do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them…This way of looking is, in the first place, attentive. The soul empties itself of all its own contents in order to receive the human being it is looking at, just as he is, in all his truth10.’

This quiet, calm and leisurely presence is the foundation of any friendship, which is so central to the Dominican understanding of our relationship with God and each other. And indeed, thanks be to God, the Angelicum is famous for its friendliness. This may be mistaken for being easygoing, lacking in exigency. But that is incorrect. It is the starting point for learning.

You cannot see another’s face if you are caught up in a frenetic and hectic life, rushing from one engagement to another. According to Thomas, no society is civilized which does not sustain some people in the contemplative life. At the beginning of his Spiritual Friendship Aelred of Rivaulx wrote, ‘Here we are, you and I, and I hope a third, Christ, is in our midst. There is no one now to disturb us. There is no one to break in upon our friendly chat, no one’s prattle or noise of any kind will creep into this pleasant solitude. Come now, beloved, open your heart, and pour into these friendly ears whatsoever you will, and let us accept gratefully the boon of this place, time and leisure.’

So, if the Angelicum is to be a place which sustains people in the pursuit of truth, then it should help us to be contemplative, to take our time, to have leisure, to be humbly present to each other. I know only too well how hard this is, and the thousand pressures to which each of us is subjected: professional, economic, and fraternal. And yet such a contemplative leisure should be an intrinsic part of a way of life that is studious.

Truthfulness, then, is not just the reporting of facts. Alasdair MacIntyre maintains that facts, like gentlemen’s wigs and telescopes, were not invented until the seventeenth century11. Truth is the basis of human community. It is the medium in which we encounter and belong to each other. St Augustine talked of humanity as ‘the community of truth.’ He was virulently opposed to a heresy called Pricillianism, which maintained that one was under no obligation to tell the truth to strangers. There is a lot of it about today! If you want to wrong foot an opponent, just accuse them of being a filthy Priscillian. It never fails!

For Augustine telling the truth to strangers is part of building the human community, constructing the Kingdom. And this explains why many theologians were extremely intolerant of even white lies. To lie was not just to fail to be accurate. It is destructive of language, the basis of human solidarity. When Athanasius was rowing down the river to escape his persecutors, they met him, going in the opposite direction. ‘Where is the traitor Athanasius?’ they asked. ‘Not far away’, he replied, and happily rowed on. That was alright, because he did not tell a lie!

I must confess that I do often tell white lies. I am not always rigorously truthful when I complement my brethren on their sermons or their cooking. This is necessary, as the Talmud says, for the peace of the household. And I encourage you all to tell lots of white lies when you tell me how much you enjoyed my lecture! For us, there might not appear to be much of a difference between a true remark that misleads and a lie. That is because we do not have that profound sense of the sacredness of true words as the foundation of human community. Lies pollute our natural environment. We die spiritually, like fish in a polluted river.

People often say that the Church is hung up on sex. For most of the Christian tradition the Church has been far more preoccupied with lying. In Dante’s Inferno, the top circles of Hell, where people get off lightest, are reserved for people who got carried away by their passions. They desired the good, but got themselves into a mess by desiring it wrongly. The middle regions of Hell were reserved for people who desired what was bad, above all for the violent. But the absolute pits where kept for those who undermined the human community of truth: the liars, the fraudulent, the flatterers, the forgers, and worst of all the traitors.

It is often said that the first casualty of war is the truth. In this perilous moment in the history of humanity, when our world is threatened with spreading violence, there is no possibility of peace unless we speak the truth to strangers and so build up humanity as the ‘community of truth.’ This means learning to speak truthfully to those who hate the West and to listen humbly to what they have to say. Otherwise we shall spin ourselves into ever deeper mistrust and mutual destruction.

So, to see the world truthfully, we need to a humble, serene attentiveness. Then, according to Aquinas, we shall see the goodness of the world. When God finished creation then he saw that it was very good. Fergus Kerr wrote, ‘‘The world, for Thomas, much against what was quite widely taught in his time, is simply the expression of divine bounty, freely shared, entirely unforced, “ unnecessary”, simply an expression of love.12’ The truthful eye of the Enlightenment is that of the detached observer, who dispassionately judges what is before his eyes. It is the scientific eye that looks down a microscope. That is a useful way of looking at the world. We would be immensely the poorer if it had not developed in the seventeenth century. But if we try to look at each other only through microscopes, like insects to be dissected, then we will not see each other’s goodness, which is the deepest truth of our being. St Augustine wrote at the end of the Confessions: ‘‘All these works of yours we see. We see that together they are very good, because it is you who see them in us and it was you who gave us the Spirit by which we see them and love you in them.13”

This is a goodness that we show forth not just in what we say but in how we are with people. It should be visible even to those who do not share our beliefs. Raimund Gaita once worked in a mental hospital in Australia. Most of the psychiatrists who worked there were compassionate and conscientious people. He wrote, ‘One day a nun came to the ward. In her middle years, only her vivacity made an impression on me until she talked to the patients. Then everything in her demeanour towards them – the way she spoke to them, her facial expressions, the inflexions of her body – contrasted with and showed up the behaviour of those noble psychiatrists. She showed that they were, despite their best efforts, condescending, as I too had been. She thereby revealed that even such patients were, as the psychiatrists and I had sincerely and generously professed, the equals of those who wanted to help them; but she also revealed that in our hearts we did not believe this.14’ She made the humanity of the mental patients visible. ‘The purity of her love proved the reality of what it revealed.’ Gaita argues that often we come to see people as lovable because we see other people loving them. ‘Children come to love their brothers and sisters because they see them in the light of their parents’ love.’ Prison guards may learn to see their prisoners differently if they see them in the light of the love of those who visit them. This is not a matter of being kind, seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses. It is seeing things as they are, truthfully.

This time last year I was in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I visited an Aids clinic run by the Church. Each day the staff bring back people whom they have found dying of Aids on the streets. Most die soon. I saw a young man who was skeletal. He had not long to go. His hair was being washed and cut. He looked profoundly at peace and happy. Those who looked after him were being more than kind. It was a revelation of who this young man was, his hidden dignity and goodness.

The opponent of God’s truth in the Bible is Satan, the father of lies. And his lies do not consist in being economical with the truth, or making errors of judgment like modern politicians. It is not even just that he says things that are untrue. His untruthfulness is in sowing doubt and mistrust between God and Adam and Eve. He makes them suspicious of God. His name, ‘Satan’, means ‘The accuser’, and the Bible concludes with the saints singing that ‘the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down.’ For Christians the great lie is to see other people unmercifully, to shut our eyes to the goodness of their humanity and to weigh them down with the burden of their sins.

We do not see people aright unless we see them mercifully. Iris Murdoch wrote, ‘The great artist sees his objects (and this is true whether they are sad, absurd, repulsive or even evil) in a light of justice and mercy. The direction of attention is, contrary to nature, outward, away from the self which reduces all to a false unity, towards the great surprising variety of the world, and the ability so to direct attention is love.15’ This implies that the pursuit of truth is rooted in the life of charity, in breaking the hold of egoism, which stamps ‘me’ and ‘mine’ on everything that it sees. A Christian university devoted to the pursuit of truth must therefore be a school of charity. As Simone Weil said, ‘love sees what is invisible.’

So the conflict between truth and falsity within the Bible is not just about accuracy, about describing what is the case, though that matters. More profoundly it is the conflict between God’s word, which gives being, and makes us flourish and vital, and the Word of the accuser, which undermines, and denigrates and belittles.

The media are the typical eighteenth century fruit of the Enlightenment pursuit of truth, unmasking hypocrisy and denouncing failure. To a large extent it is through their eyes that we see each other today. Thanks be to God we have media which are free. Thanks be to God for Watergate. The media exposure of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church in many Western countries and the failure of the authorities to deal with it responsibly was profoundly painful and humiliating. But thanks be to God that the media did show up our failings, otherwise the Church might never have been forced to confront its sin. Thanks be to God for the media’s revelation of the appalling abuse of Iraqis in the Abu Ghraib prison. Without the media’s revelations, then it could never be stopped. But if denunciation and accusation become the main way in which human beings view each other, then we shall indeed sucked into untruthfulness. Sometimes we must accuse, but we cannot do that until we have first seen the goodness of the other person. It is good people who come to do bad things.

Many journalists do valiantly resist the pressures of the medium, renouncing easy headlines and cheap caricatures, in the struggle to be honest. This is a tremendous service, in helping to bring to birth a journalism which can evolve beyond the limitations of its roots in the Enlightenment. How can the Church support them and other people in public life who strive for truthfulness? We need to build places in which they may clean their eyes, oases of lucidity. I cannot say what it means for a journalist, or a politicians or a business executive or taxi driver to be honest. Each profession has its own criteria. But as a Church we must ensure that there are these oases of truthfulness in which people can come to discover what is required of them. These may be monasteries or lay groups. A Christian University ought to be one such place. This means that at the heart of a Dominican University should be a mutual mercy. When we enter the Order we are asked, ‘What do you seek?’ And we reply, ‘God’s mercy and yours.’ This is the necessary context for a life that is devoted to Veritas.

The doctrine of creation teaches us to see the world as created, which is to say as gift. Our eyes are opened to the pure gratuitousness of being. Nothing need exist. In 1944 Karl Polanyi wrote a book called The Great Transformation: the political and economic origins of our times. It plotted the evolution of another way of seeing the world, again beginning in the seventeenth century, the birth of ‘the commodity fiction.16’ This is fiction that everything can be bought and sold: land, labour, water, all of God’s creation. The market economy provides the filter through which we look at the world. The ownership of property becomes the foundation of human dignity. The rights of property are absolute and everything becomes property.

Sixty years after the publication of Polanyi’s book, we can see that commodification of creation is proceeding apace. He plotted the transformation of land into a commodity. He could never have dreamed that by the end of the century, multinational companies would seek ownership of even the fertility of the earth in the name of ‘intellectual property rights.’ A few companies are buying up control of seed plasma. According to Jeremy Rifkin, they ‘then slightly modify the seeds or strip out individual genetic traits, or recombine new genes into the seeds and secure patent protection over their “inventions”. The goal is to control, in the form of intellectual property, the entire seed stock of the planet.17’ We are rightly indignant at the President of Zimbabwe for appropriating the land of the white farmers. It is a sin against justice. Far more disturbing is the appropriation of the fertility of the planet. It is a sin against the truth of creation.

In a society that is a market place, and in which we are first of all consumers and owners, how we can sustain a more truthful vision? One way is by saying our prayers. For Thomas Aquinas, praying was above all a matter of saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ We ask God for what we desire and we thank God if we receive it. This may seem a rather infantile way of living. Shouldn’t we be grown up enough to look after ourselves? I am reminded of the preacher he said that in the morning he had not had time to prepare his sermon and so he had had to pray to the Holy Spirit for inspiration, but this afternoon he had worked out his homily by himself and hoped to do better! But for Thomas, prayer is simply the recognition of what things are. Everything is a gift. To ask God for what I desire and to thank God when I receive it is merely to live in the real world. It is to open our eyes to the pure gratuity of being. The word ‘thank’ derives from ‘think.18’ Thanking is thinking truly.

So it should belong to the pursuit of truth in a Dominican University that we pray together. We come together as to ask for what we desire and to give thanks for what we receive. We acknowledge the Creator as the giver of good gifts. We learn the art of gratitude. We may even eventually discover our brethren as gifts. Perhaps we are sometimes so well wrapped up and disguised, like elaborate Christmas boxes, that it may take a time to peal away the wrappings and discover in what unexpected way our brother is a gift from God! Resisting the impulse to own and control, to become consumers of the world and each other, also implies a certain asceticism, to reigning in of our libido dominandi. And we should ask, in the words of Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, ‘What kinds of asceticism are appropriate in our age, to liberate our hearing and seeing?19’ I say no more, since I must confess that asceticism is not yet my greatest strength!

One final brief point: For Aquinas, to see well is not just to see what is before your eyes. It is see what things are potentially, what God made them to be. To quote Fergus Kerr OP again, ‘[Thomas] does not look at the world and see it as simply all that is the case, in itself; rather he sees the world, and things in it, as destined to a certain fulfilment, with appointed ends, modes and opportunities. It is perhaps not too much to say that Thomas sees the way that things are in terms of the way that they ought to be.20’ To see an acorn is to see an oak tree in potentia. If you have a good eye for a horse, then you can see what sort of horse this foal may grow to be. Of course, if you see the world in this way, then it does not awfully matter at what stage a foetus can be defined as having attained humanity. To see it truthfully is to see that it is made to become human.

This means that when we look at each other with clear eyes, then we see those who are made for the Kingdom, destined for more than we can say. Our fellow human beings transcend all that we know and say, because even now we are future citizens of the Kingdom. Talking truthfully about each other, whether in refectory or the lecture room, implies a certain reticence, a humility in the face of truth beyond our words. As St John says, ‘Beloved, we are God’s children now; it does not yet appear what we shall be, but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is’ (1 John 3.2).

Two years ago I was in Cairo, and Jean Jacques Pérènnes took me to visit part of the city that is not often seen by tourists, Mukatam, the town of the rubbish collectors. It is the dirtiest, smelliest place I have ever seen, and 500,000 people live here, mostly Christians. They go out each morning on their little donkey carts to collect the rubbish and bring it back to their quarter, and sort through it to see if anything can be recycled. On the cliffs behind the city, a Polish artist has painted vast images of Christ in glory: transfigured, resurrected and ascended into heaven. When they come back home with their rubbish they face these images of glory on the cliffs. Then they remember that they are not just the citizens of Mukatam. They are even now the future citizens of the Kingdom.

The truth to which our eyes are opened must therefore drive us in the end to the limits of language, even to poetry. This will be in contradiction to the scientific fundamentalism by which our culture is tempted, what Yann Martel, in ‘The Life of Pi’ calls a ‘dry yeastless factuality21’. It is perhaps this scientific fundamentalism which is the mother of all the fundamentalisms, secular and religious, which threat our world with violence.

I must conclude. Western society is suffering from a crisis of trust. We are suspicious that we are not being told the truth. No amount of accusation, denunciation or exposure allays our fears. Total transparency seems neither possible nor the solution. I have suggested the roots of this crisis lie in a particular conception of what it means to seek for the truth, which dates back to the Enlightenment. It is in many ways a fine and fruitful tradition, to which we are all indebted, but by becoming the dominant paradigm then it leads to the sort of mistrustful and fragmented society which we inhabit.

Bernard Williams wrote well of what he called ‘the two basic virtues of truth, Accuracy and Sincerity.’22 These are necessary but not sufficient. Christianity invites us to find our home in an alternative and older tradition of truth seeking. Scandalously for the children of the Enlightenment, this is founded on doctrine, but a doctrine which should be neither divisive nor intolerant, but which opens up the vast spaciousness of God, in whom we may be at home. I have had time to look only at the doctrine of creation, but other doctrines may prove to be equally enlightening.

A Christian University should therefore be a place in which we are initiated not just into a way of thinking but a way of living. Seeking the truth is for us inseparable from seeking holiness. As Paul Murray OP, of the Angelicum, wrote, ‘For, as disciples of the Word, we may discover at the end if not at the beginning of our studies that, whereas goodness may indeed be the holiness of the heart, truth is the holiness of the mind.’ Our University should be a place in which we enjoy at least occasional moments of quiet, and even leisure, to open our hearts and minds to other people and their thoughts. It should be a place in which we learn friendship and to see each other mercifully. And all these studies should occur within the context of shared singing of the Office, in which we learn the art of gratitude, asking God for what we need and thanking him for its reception.

All this may seem a little utopian, given the immense pressures that fall on modern academics, to teach and research and administer, not to mention the economic pressures and the demands of community life. It might sound a little ‘pie in the sky.’ But if this is our shared vision of what a Dominican University might be, then we may gradually evolve such an ecosystem, in which we support may each other in seeking the truth and tasting its joy.

They see me rollin’/ They hatin’

March 1st, 2010

 

Yvonne Koh is done with cussing and swearing. Must be *demure*. Puts on The Grudge dilated eyes contact lenses.
27 August 2009 at 12:16
Jacob Anthony Chew
But I love it when you cuss and swear!
27 August 2009 at 14:05
Josephine Chew
Yes yes. Embrace Tourettes! It’s therapeutic for you, entertaining for the rest of us. Classic win-win :)
27 August 2009 at 17:34

THIS MTV1 is damn therapeutic. Had breakfast at ungodly hour with lovely former boss and am reading Subhas Anandan’s (best-known criminal lawyer in Singapore) autobiography now.

Very sian. Can’t find thumbdrive (very upset by this, as all my pictures from Bali are in that thumbdrive) or my Churchill biography. Haven’t returned my library books. I guess I’m still INTP rather than INTJ.

*

How do you develop the gift of discernment? I suppose it comes with experience.

A: Are you all in white by accident?
B: Yeah, mine is accident. (points to C) That’s the uniform.
A (points to her white top): This is definitely an accident.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

1 “Ridin”
(feat. Krayzie Bone)

[Chorus]
They see me rollin
They hatin
Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
My music so loud
I’m swangin
They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty

[Verse 1 - Chamillionaire]
Police think they can see me lean
I’m tint so it ain’t easy to be seen
When you see me ride by they can see the glean
And my shine on the deck and the TV screen
Ride with a new chick, she like hold up
Next to the playstation controller is a full clip and my pistola
Turn a jacker into a coma
Girl you ain’t know, I’m crazy like Krayzie Bone
Just tryin to bone ain’t tryin to have no babies
Rock clean itself so I pull in ladies
Laws of patrolling you know they hate me
Music turned all the way up until the maximum
I can speak for some niggas tryin to jack for some
But we packin somethin that we have and um will have a nigga locked up in the maximum
Security cell, I’m grippin oak
Music loud and tippin slow
Twist and twistin like hit this dough
Pull up from behind and is in his throat
Windows down gotta stop pollution
CDs change niggas like who is that producing?
This the Play-N-Skillz when we out and cruisin
Got warrants in every city except Houston but I’m still ain’t losin

[Chorus]

[Verse 2 - Krayzie Bone]
I been drinkin and smokin holdin shit cause a brother can’t focus
I gotta get to home ‘fore the po po’s scope this big ol Excursion swerving all up in the curve man
Nigga been sippin on that Hennessey and the gin again is in again we in the wind
Doin a hundred while I puff on the blunt
And rollin another one up, we livin like we ain’t givin a fuck
I got a revolver in my right hand, 40 oz on my lap freezing my balls
Roll a nigga tree, green leaves and all
Comin pretty deep, me and my do-jo
I gotta get back to backstreets
Wanted by the six pound and I got heat glock glock shots to the block we creep creep
Pop Pop hope cops don’t see me, on a low key
With no regards for the law we dodge em like fuck em all
But I won’t get caught up and brought up on charges for none of y’all
Keep a gun in car, and a blunt to spark, but well if you want, nigga you poppin dark
Ready or not we bust shots off in the air Krayzie Bone and Chamillionaire

[Chorus]

[Verse 3 - Chamillionaire]
Do what you thinkin so, I tried to let you go
Turn up a blink of light and I swang it slower
A nigga upset for sure cause they think they know that they catchin me with plenty of the drink and dro
So they get behind me tryin to check my tags, look at my rearview and they smilin
Thinkin they’ll catch me on the wrong well keep tryin
Cause they denyin is racial profiling
Houston, TX you can check my tags
Pull me over try to check my slab
Glove compartment gotta get my cash
Cause the crooked cops try to come up fast
And been a baller that I am I talk to them, giving a damn bout not feeling my attitude
When they realize I ain’t even ridin dirty bet you’ll be leavin with an even madder mood
I’mma laugh at you then I’mma have to cruise I’m in number two on some more DJ Screw
You can’t arrest me plus you can’t sue
This a message to the laws tellin them WE HATE YOU
I can’t be touched or tell ‘em that they shoulda known
Tippin’ down, sittin’ crooked on my chrome
Bookin’ my phone, tryin’ to find a chick I wanna bone
Like they couldn’t stop me I’mma ’bout to pull up at your home and it’s on

[Chorus 2x]

Whoa…I love it when

February 28th, 2010

LEADER writers go on the war path. From today’s Sunday Times (that’s SG Sunday Times, yocks):

No Sense Of Shame

Late last year, readers were subjected to the sad spectacle of a stream of women crawling out of the woodwork to tell the world that they had had sexual relations with golfing ace Tiger Woods. More recently, they were inflicted by the stories of at least five women who claimed they had slept with Chelsea football star Ashley Cole. This is not to absolve the two married men of their philandering, but a pertinent point ot ask here is: Do these women have any sense of shame?

It wasn’t as if these women were prostitutes. Yes, there were a couple of porn stars in Tiger’s trail. But until recently, even prostitutes did not kiss and tell.

Certainly, sportsmen are generally not paragons of virtue. They are young, at the peak of their virility, and can be predatory, seeking out women who will satisfy both their sex drives and their egos. Those who make obscene sums of money like Woods and Cole can be downright callous and cavalier in their treatment of women.

The women involved with Woods and Cole were treated shabbily, yet for a fee paid by the bottom-feeding newspapers and 15 minutes of fame (or notoriety?), they were willing to tell all about their liaisons with a famous man.

One of Woods’ women even wanted to convene a press conference. It was scrapped when Woods paid her to shut up. She was no newsmaker, but the event, if held, would hve packed in the hacks.

Western celebrity culture, coupled with a therapeutic ethos that sees all errant behaviours as treatable illnesses and philandering as sex addiction, for example, has eroded all sense of shame. Too much money has corrupted the world these superstars inhabit and their sense of entitlement knows no bounds. Alas, we won’t see the last of these headline-grabbing romps, not by a long shot.

*

And a WTF moment by the Daughter of The Dua Pai:

My mother used to say wryly of such people: “If they cannot see the Panda, the Panda’s daughter may be an acceptable substitute.”

Panda?? Rapacious ravaging Godzilla more like it. But maybe Panda as they’re having trouble breeding. I’d suggested to Long-Suffering Friend that he consider cloning.

Me to Long-Suffering Friend:

Since you bleat on and on about offspring, I suggest cloning. It’ll help solve the population problem.

Imagine phalanxes of fine upstanding Long-Suffering Friends with gleaming grins (look ma! no braces!) stalking around demolishing illusions like Exocet missiles & delivering shattering insights with all the charm of Thatcher’s illegitimate children. Like legions that marched right out of some L. Ron Hubbard wet dream.

*

& WTF spa parties for kids? “Kiddie makeover parties, manicures, pedicures, facials and massages are catching on here.” When I have children they’ll be subjected to Nanyang Girls’ High School discipline. No long hair. No long nails. Communist-green school bags that say 为人民服务. No branded sports shoes, only Bata.

*

For Aristotle, courage was above all the virtue of the warrior who dares risk injury when he fights. For Thomas Aquinas courage was more typically endurance. It was hanging in there, faithfully and patiently, when it is hard. G. K. Chesterton reminds us that we all owe our existence to the courage of our mothers, who endured nine months of pregnancy and the travail of giving birth. There is the courage of parents, enduring sleepless nights while they raise their children. There is the courage of teachers in inner-city schools, who hang in there, continuing to teach despite intimidation and boredom. There is the courage of nurses and doctors in sub-Saharan Africa who go on caring for people with Aids even when they have hardly any medicine and the epidemic threatens to overwhelm the country. There is the patience of those who are faithful when a relationship is fragile, or cope with illness day after day. Courage makes us steadfast.

(What Is The Point Of Being A Christian, p. 75)

Die Verletzten sollen die Ärzte sein

February 27th, 2010

Nicht deine Zeit, nicht deine Füße,
Nicht dein Beat, nicht deine Leute,
Deine Welt nicht, und nicht mal dein Schmerz
Du musst hier nicht dazugehören, aber such dir, was zu dir gehört
Du musst nicht tanzen, aber beweg dein Herz

- The Geek, Wir Sind Helden

But sister you know I’m so weary
And you know sister
My heart’s been broken
Sometimes, sometimes
My mind is too strong to carry on
Too strong to carry on

When I am alone
When I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I’ve lost all care for the things I own
That’s when I miss you, that’s when I miss you, that’s when I miss you
You who are my home
You who are my home
And here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies

- Orange Sky, Alexi Murdoch

GOT the all-clear from my doctor, I very probably *do not* have bipolar, just met evil folks who slipped me amphetamines & PCP, developed lifelong insane sleeping habits (that I have to change) & have (a) a tendency to overcommit myself (hello, look at this psycho list) and (b) a bad case of perfectionism, plus (c) possible post-traumatic stress disorder (from being with people in very bad situations).

No need for any more mindzapping medications! This is such a relief. I remember the first time they gave me Haldol with horror, when they didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me. It was a real nightmare for me and my family, but everything’s all behind me now, I’ve left the workplace where I was so unhappy, and hopefully won’t run into any more evil psychos. It’s such a *relief* to finish the scholarship bond.

Why, though, am I so relieved by what the doctor says? What sorts of power do these professionals hold with their diagnoses? What about wrong diagnoses?

These traumatic last few years have made me much more aware of mental health issues, and how there’s still so much stigma & a lack of proper care in Singapore. We have no mental healthcare plan here, folks. What’s the deal with that? & the fear of having to declare a history of mental illness on employment forms is making so many people afraid of stepping forward to seek help.

& it seems to me that it’s often the weakest and most vulnerable members in a family or society who bear the brunt of mental disorders — there’s often abuse of power somewhere along the line, or neglect, or scapegoating.

Greenberg is repeating a common criticism of contemporary psychiatry, which is that the profession is creating ever more expansive criteria for mental illness that end up labelling as sick people who are just different—a phenomenon that has consequences for the insurance system, the justice system, the administration of social welfare, and the cost of health care.

The above’s from an interesting article in The New Yorker:

There is suspicion that the pharmaceutical industry is cooking the studies that prove that antidepressant drugs are safe and effective, and that the industry’s direct-to-consumer advertising is encouraging people to demand pills to cure conditions that are not diseases (like shyness) or to get through ordinary life problems (like being laid off). The Food and Drug Administration has been accused of setting the bar too low for the approval of brand-name drugs. Critics claim that health-care organizations are corrupted by industry largesse, and that conflict-of-interest rules are lax or nonexistent. Within the profession, the manual that prescribes the criteria for official diagnoses, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, known as the D.S.M., has been under criticism for decades. And doctors prescribe antidepressants for patients who are not suffering from depression. People take antidepressants for eating disorders, panic attacks, premature ejaculation, and alcoholism.

These complaints are not coming just from sociologists, English professors, and other troublemakers; they are being made by people within the field of psychiatry itself. As a branch of medicine, depression seems to be a mess. Business, however, is extremely good. Between 1988, the year after Prozac was approved by the F.D.A., and 2000, adult use of antidepressants almost tripled. By 2005, one out of every ten Americans had a prescription for an antidepressant. IMS Health, a company that gathers data on health care, reports that in the United States in 2008 a hundred and sixty-four million prescriptions were written for antidepressants, and sales totalled $9.6 billion. As a depressed person might ask, What does it all mean?

The drama of the gifted child

February 27th, 2010

Random photos of my parents’ kitchen’s ceiling. We use bamboo poles like these in SG to hang up our laundry.

 

I love the colours! Cheered me up when I looked up while walking to the bathroom.

 

I must take my pleasures where I can. Since I’m fabulously unemployed I’ve taken to staring at ceilings and pondering turning tricks, drug dealing, organ farming and investment banking.

 

*

Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery of the truth about the unique history of our childhood. Is it possible, then, to free ourselves altogether from illusions? History demonstrates that they sneak in everywhere, that every life is full of them — perhaps because the truth often seems unbearable to us. And yet the truth is so essential that its loss exacts a heavy toll, in the form of grave illness. In order to become whole we must try, in a long process, to discover our own personal truth, a truth that may cause pain before giving us a new sphere of freedom. If we choose instead to content ourselves with intellectual “wisdom”, we will remain in the sphere of illusion and self-deception.1

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

1 Miller, Alice. The Drama Of The Gifted Child. Trans. Ruth Ward. New York: Basic Books, 1981 (2007). ISBN: 978-0-465-01690-7. p. 1

Huat ah! / equal affection

February 26th, 2010

A FRIEND’S mother treated us to dinner…but I didn’t know it was a grassroots event. I walked past the ballroom thinking it was a wedding dinner, then reread the SMS and thought…wait…table 20, I’d better go in. Jolly good fun, though, had chocolate coins handed out to me by a 财神爷 and lotsa entertainment in different languages. Good to catch up with the gang over a 10-course meal, though we had to shout over the sound emitting from the speakers.

…I believe I got pickpocketed. Checked my clutch and the notes I put in there are gone!!

*

If equal affection cannot be…I remember a conversation I had with a chum.

A (casually): So how many hearts have you broken?
B (angrily): It’s how many hearts have *you* broken!

Got a phonecall from E. recently, and a package from Anais and a letter from an ex. I feel so bone-crushingly lucky to have friends like that all across the world, and I love them so much. But there’re also those who love you more than you deserve, and whom you don’t always love back in the way that they wish you would. D. seldom writes a letter to me that he doesn’t end with “I love you”. E. was frank and touchingly vulnerable when he told me what he thought when he got off the plane. It makes me want to write letters to them expressing affection that I don’t feel, because I know it would make them happy. But it would make me feel worse. And I wouldn’t be honest. Would they really be happy if I told them I loved them and I didn’t meant “love” the way they want it to mean?

Team games/”crazy”

February 26th, 2010

A (wandering around): I don’t know whether I’m team three or four.
B: I know what you are. You’re team stupid.

C (in winning team): We didn’t explain but still got top marks!
B (points at chocolate prizes): I hope you get *fat* eating those.

D: Nobody wants to eat the chocolates?
E: Not after they’ve been cursed.

*

Overheard in the Newsroom #3292: “Tomorrow, I’m calling in crazy.”

Gordon R. Peterson
Don’t think you get a day off for crazy — or we’d all be off every day.
Gail Harding Savoy
I think I go to work crazy all the time.
Teddi Simmons-Cole
In education, we call that a “mental health day”.
Jackie Buys
i thought that is just who we are.. crazy to do what we do.
Herman Chau
I wish more people would - and never return.
Steve Cegielski
You’d have to be crazier than the rest of the newsroom. And I think that would be pretty tough in most newsrooms.
Leigh McCormick
Crazy was in my job description, so I guess I’d have to call in sane to get a day off.
Yvonne Koh
I think I developed late-onset Tourette’s when I was in the newsroom :)
Carla Field
I have used up all my sick time. I am calling in dead.
Margaret Kaigler
Call in dead and they’ll call you to write the obit…

Love letter

February 25th, 2010

I’ve been looking so long at my pictures of
you that I almost believe that they’re real
I’ve been living so long with my pictures of you that
I almost believe that the pictures are all I can
feel

Remembering you standing quiet in the rain as
I ran to your heart to be near
And we kissed as the sky fell in holding you close how I always held close in your fear
Remembering you running soft through the night
You were bigger and brighter and whiter than snow
Screamed at the make-believe screamed at the sky
And you finally found all your courage to let it all go

Remembering you fallen into my arms
Crying for the death of your heart
You were stone white so delicate
So lost in the cold
You were always so lost in the dark remembering you
How you used to be so drowned you were
Angels so much more than everything
oh hold for the last time then slip away quietly
Open my eyes but i never see anything

If only I had thought of the right words I could
have held on to your heart
If only I’d thought of the right words I wouldn’t be breaking apart all my pictures of you

Looking so long at these pictures of you but I
never hold on to your heart
Looking so long for the words to be true but always just breaking apart my pictures of you

There was nothing in the world that I ever
wanted more
Than to feel you deep in my heart
There was nothing in the world that I ever
wanted more
Than to never feel the breaking apart
My pictures of you

*

ONE of my favourite colleagues/friends is involved in a book project & she’s going through the pictures of her Beloved Subject…can’t wait to see the fruits of the team’s labour later this year. Some of our input in the form of questions will be answered by her subject, too!

*

Fiddling around with my spreadsheets (recovered from computer crash, Hallelujah, thank God for external disk drives) and working out my budget…Have splurged on dresses, books and outings, so have to scrooge a bit. Also reading Warren Buffett for inspiration: will have to save more (compounding, darlings, compounding); may set up appointment with lovely broker to discuss.

What I’ve learnt from counselling is to pare down — cut down to essentials instead of going around in a manic frenzy. Am pretty stable now after piling on too many commitments, from volunteer work to calligraphy, chess, Bahasa learning, yearning for a PhD, wanting to master the free style, meeting all manners of people I tend to pick up along the way and so on and so forth. Couldn’t cope, and part of that translated into rage, which led to me yearning for someoone to hire me a) a secretary and b) a hitman.

Now that I’ve taken a look at my situation from a more detached distance I realise how fortunate I’ve been: A first-class education, opportunities for study, a warm and supportive family…

听雨

February 24th, 2010

世味年来薄似纱,谁令骑马客京华?
小楼一夜听春雨,深巷明朝卖杏花。
矮纸斜行闲作草,晴窗细乳戏分茶。
素衣莫起风尘叹,犹及清明可到家。

今天上了书法课,毛笔坏了,老师介绍买”听雨” — 一种羊狼豪的名字 — 觉得多么诗情画意!

早春夜半,窗外细雨沙沙,不禁让人想起了陆游的诗句“小楼一夜听春雨,深巷明朝卖杏花”,不想多去感慨诗人全诗的意境,不想感觉诗人当时的无奈和惆怅,只想缱绻在这两句的诗意中,让思绪随着亮晶晶的雨丝飘摇,飘向遥远的时空。

听了一夜的春雨,次日清晨又听到深巷叫卖杏花,淡雅的春意油然而生,令人想起江南湿漉漉、绿幽幽、亮晶晶、香喷喷的春色,浓而淡,淡而又深,深而且远。但细品一下,诗人听了一夜的春雨,并未入眠。在这春夜里他为何事辗转反侧呢?那远远传来的如断如续的卖花声,又能给他一些什么样的愉悦和抚慰呢?不能。只有诗人一个人在清幽得空寂的春晨中独自惆怅。接下去的头联不更道出了他的这种心情吗?“闲作草”、“戏分茶”,一生出入于战场生死,贯游于天南海北,时刻思虑着报国和爱民的陆游,竟也“ 闲”而又“戏”了!在诗人眼中,临安春色,何其清淡寡味,人情何其冷漠,世味何其索薄,壮志更是无从去提起一字,只有在“闲”“戏”中打发时光。 (See this link for more analysis…I lifted the above paragraph straight off baidu.)

*

In which I blather on about a calligraphy brush named “tingyu“, or “listen to the rain”, and quote poetry about listening to the rain. I’m just glad to have figured out how to get the language bar working again after my computer had an apopleptic fit and died on me. :)

Timothy Radcliffe on sexual ethics

February 23rd, 2010
…There is an abyss between what the Church teaches and the way many members of the Church live. When it comes to sex, most Catholics do not behave in a way that is strikingly different from other members of society.

How is the Church to respond to this? One approach is strongly to insist on the received teaching. If we do this then we are in danger of becoming increasingly out of touch with the lives of so many members of our Church. The Church might become a narrow sect whose sexual ethic isolates it and inhibits it from sharing the gospel with others. Already many Catholics cling to membership of the Church by ignoring the Church’s teaching on sexuality, which undermines the Church’s authority in other areas. If one can disregard what the Church says about sex, then why not about everything else? Others remain Catholic, but feel either burdened with guilt or feel second-class citizens, excluded from Communion because they are in “irregular situations”.

If the Church simply accepts modern sexual mores, then the dangers are just as serious. We would appear to be assimilating ourselves weakly to the modern world, lacking the guts to stand for what we believe. If the Church’s teaching is true, then surely we must proclaim it. Often what happens in practice is that the official teaching is asserted, perhaps sotto voce, and subtle hints are given that everyone is really welcome. This is called the “pastoral solution”. Maybe it is the most humane way, but it may look like dishonesty and cowardice.

I do not know the solution but the best starting point for understanding our sexuality is the Last Supper. When Jesus hands over his body to the disciples he is vulnerable. He is in their hands for them to do as they wish. One has already sold him, another will deny him, and most of the rest will run away. The gift of his body discloses that sexuality is inseparable from vulnerability. It embodies a tenderness which means that one may well get hurt. It is a self-gift that may be met with rebuff and mockery, and in which one may feel oneself to be used. The Last Supper shows us with extreme realism the perils of giving ourselves to anyone. It is not a romantic tryst in a candlelit trattoria. A Christian sexual ethics invites us to embrace that vulnerability, to take risks involved in self-exposure and intimate contact.

(What Is The Point Of Being A Christian, pp. 95-96)

Dreams

February 23rd, 2010

A: I’ve 28,000 photos to go through. At least I’ve not started dreaming of Mr Dua Pai yet.
B: Or dreamt you *were* him. I’ve dreamt I was the Dalai Lama at a peace concert.
A: That may not be such a bad thing. I’ll dream of eating yummy Peranakan food. Hmmm…which person shall I throw into jail today?

*

Reading on the Budget (Tharman I’m your fan!) and the Philippine elections of guns, girls and goons. No wonder Dengcoy, Raul and Manny and the rest of the Pinoys in the office often exuded outrage when they’re not being cynical.

Eyecandy

February 22nd, 2010

Cranes…That’s not me in the pictures. Imagine someone pudgier with a bigger butt, and badly-cut shoulder length hair. That’ll be me.

Flapper

Japanese weave. Photos: Antipodean

PRETTY dresses make me happy…I don’t shop all that often; when I do, I go for pieces that suit my style. Am very happy with the haul today! :)

*

I’m very glad for the lessons I’ve taken in these six years since graduation. For one, money is not important to me. I’ve seen how it breeds dens of vipers. When you’re out with certain people you can see how they judge social value. What firm do you work for? What do you do? What does your father do? Which bank is he in? Which school did he go to? What does her husband do?

I say bullshit to all of that. Character is judged by what a person does…over CNY we talked of how someone’s father had died and she’s helping to take care of the mother and how the burden of care often falls upon certain children or grandchildren in the family when others “default”. One of my best friends has a sick grandmother and father to take care of at home, and she shows up again and again, day after day, with patience and fortitude. These are the people I admire, the people who matter to me, not so much the materialistic braying yock-yocks.

At some point I pity them too, for I’ve friends caught up in the cycle — but I’ve learnt to distance myself from the users. You’re able, you’re ambitious, you’ve the brains, yes. But you’re also fucking self-serving, and desperately insecure.

To a certain extent it’s encouraged by the Government throwing wads of money at us. I say: Bullshit to that. Bullshit to carrots and sticks. Bullshit to binary distinctions between fear and love. Bullshit to the black-and-white thinking that critics must be exocet-missiled and obliterated. And really, fuck the fear of the ISD — I’m pretty sure I do worse things to myself with my finely-honed sleep-deprivation techniques that I’ve developed since I was an angsty teen.

Some things are non-negotiable, and you can never buy a sense of public service, or my sense of integrity, of who I am as a person. So here is *my* manifesto: I won’t ever be a running dog of those in power, who seek to intimidate with power, who use all means to hold on to power. I spit upon the wads of cash you think will solve all problems. Tennis courts, Mercedes Benzes, plastic surgery for your wives, cocktail parties for your husbands, oh yes I can play the game, but please have the common sense and decency to see it all for what it’s worth: It’s just a game. Don’t take your bourg lifestyle so fucking seriously. As the Chinese say, na de qi, fang de xia. (Sorry folks, haven’t sorted out my Chinese input software yet.) And David Marshall once said in an interview that justice “is a meld of law and humanity. Decency in concepts”. What I see is worship of the Golden Calf. What I see is seeking of vengeance. What I see is insecurity at work — hence the need to seek to try to control others.

Am reading LKY: The Man And His Ideas again…there’s lots to admire. But what I take umbrage against is the idea of treating human beings like dogs, like things to be trained, like you can jerk a leash and jolt them and get Pavlovian instinctual behaviour. It goes against everything I stand for. From Timothy Radcliffe’s What Is The Point Of Being A Christian:

However, if denunciation and accusation become the main way in which human beings view each other, then we shall indeed be sucked into untruthfulness. Sometimes we must accuse, but we cannot do that until we have first seen the goodness of the other person. Good people do bad things. In this mistrustful and suspicious society we need a different sort of press, freed from its Enlightenment limitations. We need a different sort of political debate, where the goal is not to trash one’s opponents but to arrive at a shared understanding of the common good.

I don’t think I can change all what I see as wrong in this society, but I can be sure that I won’t let these things change *me*. As JJG says:

Belle, on ira
Et l’ombre ne nous rattrapera peut-être pas
On ne changera pas le monde
Mais il nous changera pas

*

Modern Declaration
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

I, having loved ever since I was a child a few things, never having wavered
In these affections; never through shyness in the houses of the
rich or in the presence of clergymen having denied these loves;
Never when worked upon by cynics like chiropractors having
grunted or clicked a vertebra to the discredit of those loves;
Never when anxious to land a job having diminished them by a
conniving smile; or when befuddled by drink
Jeered at them through heartache or lazily fondled the fingers of
their alert enemies; declare

That I shall love you always.
No matter what party is in power;
No matter what temporarily expedient combination of allied
interests wins the war;
Shall love you always.

*

The Queen And The Soldier
Lyrics by Suzanne Vega

The soldier came knocking upon the queen’s door
He said, “I am not fighting for you any more”
The queen knew she’d seen his face someplace before
And slowly she let him inside.

He said, “I’ve watched your palace up here on the hill
And I’ve wondered who’s the woman for whom we all kill
But I am leaving tomorrow and you can do what you will
Only first I am asking you why.”

Down in the long narrow hall he was led
Into her rooms with her tapestries red
And she never once took the crown from her head
She asked him there to sit down.

He said, “I see you now, and you are so very young
But I’ve seen more battles lost than I have battles won
And I’ve got this intuition, says it’s all for your fun
And now will you tell me why?”

The young queen, she fixed him with an arrogant eye
She said, “You won’t understand, and you may as well not try”
But her face was a child’s, and he thought she would cry
But she closed herself up like a fan.

And she said, “I’ve swallowed a secret burning thread
It cuts me inside, and often I’ve bled”
He laid his hand then on top of her head
And he bowed her down to the ground.

“Tell me how hungry are you? How weak you must feel
As you are living here alone, and you are never revealed
But I won’t march again on your battlefield”
And he took her to the window to see.

And the sun, it was gold, though the sky, it was gray
And she wanted more than she ever could say
But she knew how it frightened her, and she turned away
And would not look at his face again.

And he said, “I want to live as an honest man
To get all I deserve and to give all I can
And to love a young woman who I don’t understand
Your highness, your ways are very strange.”

But the crown, it had fallen, and she thought she would break
And she stood there, ashamed of the way her heart ached
She took him to the doorstep and she asked him to wait
She would only be a moment inside.

Out in the distance her order was heard
And the soldier was killed, still waiting for her word
And while the queen went on strangeling in the solitude she preferred
The battle continued on

*

Two Tramps In Mud Time
by Robert Frost

Out of the mud two strangers came
And caught me splitting wood in the yard,
And one of them put me off my aim
By hailing cheerily “Hit them hard!”
I knew pretty well why he had dropped behind
And let the other go on a way.
I knew pretty well what he had in mind:
He wanted to take my job for pay.

Good blocks of oak it was I split,
As large around as the chopping block;
And every piece I squarely hit
Fell splinterless as a cloven rock.
The blows that a life of self-control
Spares to strike for the common good,
That day, giving a loose my soul,
I spent on the unimportant wood.

The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You’re one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,
A wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you’re two months back in the middle of March.

A bluebird comes tenderly up to alight
And turns to the wind to unruffle a plume,
His song so pitched as not to excite
A single flower as yet to bloom.
It is snowing a flake; and he half knew
Winter was only playing possum.
Except in color he isn’t blue,
But he wouldn’t advise a thing to blossom.

The water for which we may have to look
In summertime with a witching wand,
In every wheelrut’s now a brook,
In every print of a hoof a pond.
Be glad of water, but don’t forget
The lurking frost in the earth beneath
That will steal forth after the sun is set
And show on the water its crystal teeth.

The time when most I loved my task
The two must make me love it more
By coming with what they came to ask.
You’d think I never had felt before
The weight of an ax-head poised aloft,
The grip of earth on outspread feet,
The life of muscles rocking soft
And smooth and moist in vernal heat.

Out of the wood two hulking tramps
(From sleeping God knows where last night,
But not long since in the lumber camps).
They thought all chopping was theirs of right.
Men of the woods and lumberjacks,
The judged me by their appropriate tool.
Except as a fellow handled an ax
They had no way of knowing a fool.

Nothing on either side was said.
They knew they had but to stay their stay
And all their logic would fill my head:
As that I had no right to play
With what was another man’s work for gain.
My right might be love but theirs was need.
And where the two exist in twain
Theirs was the better right–agreed.

But yield who will to their separation,
My object in living is to unite
My avocation and my vocation
As my two eyes make one in sight.
Only where love and need are one,
And the work is play for mortal stakes,
Is the deed ever really done
For Heaven and the future’s sakes.

Old friends

February 22nd, 2010

MET Jib, an old friend from Brown. She teaches at Chulalongkorn after returning from her PhD programme on one of the best scholarships I’ve heard, where the Thai govt sponsors students to teach in the liberal arts upon their return. There’s nothing like this here in Singapore, and Shing and I know as we’ve looked around. Unless it’s the PSC, of course, but then they try to turn you into high school teachers.

She teaches comparative literature, and does a course on crime novels and films, using movies such as Memento, Fritz Lang’s M, Psycho…I’d have loved to do something like that. And we talked of how competitive schools are, Shing telling the story of how her cousin, who’s an accountant, takes leave to volunteer as a traffic warden to try to get her kid into a school.

A: I come from a neighbourhood school and I turned out fine.
B: But you’re what, the only one who went to Top Yock-yock Girls’ School? Compare that with the IJs and Nanyang.

I’ve just been immensely lucky to have coaching from my mother, and to be in a family that puts a premium on education. I sent off the orchid/dandelion article to Mrs Chua from NorthLight…if I’d been in a lousier environment I’d probably have ended up in a teen gang and gotten thrown into jail. God knows I’m rebellious and hot-tempered enough — in my land of psychoville I’ve often felt like reaching over the table, stabbing certain choice people with a fork while screaming obscenities. I’m bidding a slow, reluctant goodbye to psychoville, sadly, as I’m rescued, sorted out, and replaced on the rails of conformity.

*

I’ve taken to cycling out in the mornings with the papers and a couple of books in my basket, and reading by the sea, then coming back home to a long drink of water and slathering myself with bath products and shampoos and various lotions. It’s so nice to be clean and to smell good. Mmm.

Host an NYC child

February 19th, 2010

WAS contacted by the very dedicated, very persistent staff of Fresh Air Fund in the US about their call for volunteers. The organisation needs hosts for this summer, so if you’re in the area covered, do check out the details.

Fresh Air children are boys and girls, six to 18 years old, who live in New York City. Children on first-time visits are six to 12 years old and stay for either one or two weeks. Youngsters who are re-invited by the same family may continue with The Fund through age 18, and many enjoy longer summertime visits, year after year. A visit to the home of a warm and loving volunteer host family can make all the difference in the world to an inner-city child. All it takes to create lifelong memories is laughing in the sunshine and making new friends.

The majority of Fresh Air children are from low-income communities. These are often families without the resources to send their children on summer vacations. Most inner-city youngsters grow up in towering apartment buildings without large, open outdoor play spaces. Concrete playgrounds cannot replace the freedom of running barefoot through the grass or riding bikes down country lanes.

*

Reading on Dr Lim Hock Siew in today’s papers. Interesting article.

“Befriend a thousand books, and have the spine to stand by your beliefs.”

Also, folks, check out the Rajaratnam exhibition in the National Library. It’s on the 10th floor, and very well curated. He’s one of my heroes.

We, the citizens of Singapore,
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society
based on justice and equality
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and
progress for our nation.

I’ve to learn how to temper that strong streak of idealism with realism…we’re really quite lucky here in Singapore.

To tell the truth I’m pretty glad I’m not going back to do a PhD in literature — all those theories made me very irritated, sour and sulky. Negri and Hardt: Oodles and oodles of claptrap, I thought when I read Empire in Oxford. French theorists! Spivak! Ugh! & Brown made me roll my eyes sometimes with the high-minded principles about being anti-sweatshop blah blah blah…Some theories may be attractive intellectually, but when you’re faced with real people needing jobs, food, homes, you just get on the ground like the Mercy Relief workers and start using whatever channels and resources you have to bring benefits to the people.

Was asking Anais about law school and she replied: “it’s theoretical enough to be extremely intellectually stimulating, but also tangible enough to give you something meaty to grapple with, with real impact and consequences”.

*

To read S-E Asian studies or not? To continue with the Iseas application or not? Or to apply to law school next year?

Snippets

February 18th, 2010

(On FB)

A is rethinking her Hot Boyfriend plans.
B: sorry, i’m spoken for. i can direct you to my understudy, Lukewarm Boyfriend.

C is abstaining from meat this Lent.
D is abstaining from gormless dolts this Lent.

*

A: So there are the dandelion children and the orchids.
B: Dandelions? Weeds, more like.
A: Hey, they are the species.

A (on child comparisons): So X said that her friend’s young child could say “mosquito repellant”.
C: I told A she should have said “Wow, there must be many mosquitos where she is.”

Champagne socialists

February 17th, 2010

Phoebe: What are you doing?
Mike: Setting rat traps.
Phoebe: To kill Bob??
Mike: No, no, to test his neck strength.
Phoebe: No, Mike, I don’t want to kill him! I thought we were just gonna capture him and, and you know, set him free in the country side where he can maybe meet a friendly possom and a wisecracking owl.
Mike: Ok, ok, I’ll throw away the traps.

FIRST stop was the old RGS gang, then met new friends…guys, I roll my eyes, who talk on and on about DOS games and compared levels of geekery. Always got talk of Godfather and JCVD and Conan the barbarian.

A: Yes my guy friends said they found Sigourney Weaver in Alien attractive. I was like wtf??
B: You obviously don’t know men well enough. We like them shaven with gunk all over them.
(moment of silence)
B: I mean the head.
F: We’ll tell that to your next girlfriend.

Mongol General: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?
Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
Mongol General: That is good! That is good.

B (musing): On bad days I find myself going back to that over and over again…”To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”

A (to male who claims he moonlights as a gigolo): So how does your partner afford your daily rate?
D: For certain trusted clients I offer a discount.
C: How does this compare to XXX, A?
A: Why are you asking, C? Are you trying to see how to price yourself?

C: You initiate a lot.
A: A lot of what? Sex?
C: No, I don’t think you do. Topics of conversation that lead us down weird and twisted alleyways.

B: Everybody I know jizzes.
D (B’s partner, female): Not me.
B: Everybody I know of my own sex jizzes.

D: There’s a painter who paints with his dick.
C: How does he do that?
(conversation gets too crass for public consumption)
A: Google “cockpainting”. Finally, something to do at work.
D: But C’s a teacher. They’ll probably fire him. It’d be worse if he’s a primary school teacher.

C: So XX was in the gym and he saw famous pastor in the sauna letting it all hang out.
D: Why did he take off his towel? What was he doing like that?
A: Glorifying God’s gift to man.
C: Inviting worship.

E: So he wore this silver tie to court and my friend was ripping into him for attire. “Do you think this is sombre enough?” He said: “I wore it to my father-in-law’s funeral so yes, I think it’s sombre enough.”

A (over KFC): I’ve not had Popeyes before blah blah blah
A: I think you can phone in. The office ordered some for someone’s birthday.
E: So you *had* had Popeyes before.
A: No. It was another department. I smelled the fried chicken and followed my nose and looked on while they ate.

E to D (on abstract modern art): You can cover the rabbit with paint then hold it down as it struggles. Title it Rabbit I and sell it. Can have Rabbit II, Rabbit In Pain, etc.

C: There was an artist who made a boat out of a shed, rowed it down the Thames, then reshaped the boat into a shed in a gallery.
E: I think an engineer would do a better job. An engineer could make a motor out of the wooden shed so no need to row.

X: I don’t believe in premarital sex. I’m always afraid someone will put nude photos of me online. Like Edison Chen or Tammy.
A: Don’t worry, just take nude photos of him first so you’ve a bargaining chip. “Excuse me, before we start, I’ve to take some photos of you.”