Partnership
D SAID he tried not to be too harsh on himself as he’s not found a partner when we were talking of his parents; I thought of LKY and his love for his wife and how tough it must be when someone you love is dying.
I told my diving partners when we were on the ferry that one of the things I look for when I’m looking long term is whether this person will be there and dependable when the shit hits the fan, such as when if one or both of us should fall seriously ill, if a child runs into trouble, when there are different pulls on our time and needs. A good marriage is about compromise and support and working together towards joint goals.
Came across Gottman when I was reading Malcolm Gladwell. He can predict whether a couple will divorce after watching and listening to them for just five minutes.
From John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work (ISBN: 0609805797):
What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple. Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.
Recently, emotional intelligence has become widely recognised as an important predictor of a child’s success later in life. The more in touch with emotions and the better able a child is to understand and get along with others, the sunnier that child’s future, whatever his or her academic IQ. The same is true for relationships between spouses. The more emotionally intelligent a couple — the better able they are to understand, honour, and respect each other and their marriage — the more likely that they will indeed live happily ever after. Just as parents can teach their children emotional intelligence, this is also a skill that a couple can be taught. As simple as it sounds, it can keep husband and wife on the positive side of the divorce odds.
Perhaps family lawyers who handle divorce cases should also have a list of counsellors or psychologists who can also do marital counselling? If I do by some chance end up in law, this is something I’d look into — counselling for couples seeking divorce.
In the meantime there’s NUS stuff to go through and courses to sign up for. Pretty excited about it all, actually — I might end up in teaching rather than law after all.