I mean I want to see

1. Male. Usual number of limbs a plus.

2. Has a even temper that does not super-size itself suddenly. Sensible enough (knows how to manage his money, time and energy) that I don’t have to be the sensible one all the time.

3. Chemistry. Must give good banter.

4. Will make a good father. Likes kids & animals. Has compassion. Sound heart, sound mind.

5. Indulges me but has a strong enough character that I can’t walk all over him.

6. High on satisfaction with life, with no victim mentality. Derives joy when someone else suceeds. Internal locus of control. Smart but not snide.

7. Likes travelling. Likes nerds. Has interests and passions. Someone I can learn new things from, and pick up new skills with.

8. Hearty eater. Game for new activities. Hospitable.

9. Showers (you never know) and shaves and has good hygiene. Smells right. Can pick up after himself.

10. Fights fair — not too defensive, listens, not mean.

& 11. Not a mushy-candlelit-dinner or stuffed-toy type. A reminder to those setting me up on dates, beneath the Ms Peony-Jasmine-Lotus petal thing is this –

A:

“Speaking of pop culture consumption preferences that are best kept to oneself: my housemate and I descended into the cultural and existential abyss that is The Bachelor tonight. I know, I know, shut up. We’re both sarcastic, curmudgeonly types, and nearly puked when the bachelor took one of his dates to the top of the Eiffel Tower for a champagne-and-roses date. Barf! If a guy took me on a corny-as-arse date like that, I’d push him over the Tower. Adieu!”

Me:

“Sometimes what A calls “the dull! dull! dull! middlebrow Italian candlelit dinners” just make me want to spit, drive the Morton’s fork into the table and, as the fork is still quivering, give him a hard whack on the head and stalk out of the restaurant. All after I’ve had my way with the dessert.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m a myopic competitive nerd. My people are not romantic. We survived famines and floods and oppressors and footbinding and arranged marriages and the Communists and forced labour and other crushing millstones. I can be the little jasmine-scented feminine girl but that’s only because it pleases me to act that way. And deep down inside I think you’re too hairy. Sorry.”